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This is my Enemy

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January 27, 2006]
[ mood | mellow ]

so my mom bought these new books for me, Go Ask Alice and Addict In The Family : Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery. You might have an idea in your head about what the books might be about...but if you dont...they basically are about drugggs. But Go Ask Alice is about basically everything: drugs, sex, and weight problems.

I'm already half way done with Go Ask Alice. It's a really intense and I'm already loving it and I sorta have a ways to go.

December 14.

Dear Diary,

Mama won't let me diet anymore. Just between us, I don't really know why its any of her bussiness. It's true I have had a cold for the last couple of weeks, but I know it's not the diet that's causing it. How can she be so stupid and irrational? This morning I was having my usual half grapefruit for breakfast  and she made me eat a slice of whole wheat bread and a scrambled egg and a piece of bacon. That's probably at least  400 calories, maybe even five or six or seven hundred!! I don't know why she can't let me live my own life. She doens't like it when I look like a cow, neither does anybody else, I don't even like myself. I wonder if I could go stick my finger down my throat and throw up after every meal? She says I'm going to have to start eating dinner again too, and just when I'm getting down where I want to be and I've been fighting the hunger pangs. Oh, parents are a problem! That's one thing, Diary, you don't have to worry about, only me. And I guess  you're not very lucky at all, because I'm certainly no bargain.

July 20,

Dear close, warm, intimate friend,  Diary,

What a fantastic, unbelievavble, expanding, thrilling week I've had. It's been like, wow---the greatest thing that has ever happened. Remember I told you I had a date with Bill? Well he introduced me to torpedos on Friday and Speed on Sunday. They are both like riding shooting stars through the Milky way, only a trillion time better. The Speed was a little scary at first because Bill had to inject it right into my arm. I remembered how much I hated shots when I was in the hospital, but this is different, now I can't wait, I positively can't wait to try it again. No wonder it's called Speed! I could hardly control myself., in fact  I couldn't have if I had wanted to, and I didn't want to. I danced like I had never dreamed possible for introverted, mousy little me. I felt great, free, abandoned, a different, improved, perfected specimen of a different, improved, perfected species. It was wild! It was beautiful! It really was.

August  6

Deary Diary,

Well last night if happened. I am no longer a virgin! In a way I'm really sorry, beacause I always wanted Roger to be the first and only boy in m life, but he's away and visiting, in fact I haven't seen him since I got here. He might have grown into a gawky, stupid, rambling idiot anyhow. I wonder if sex without acid could be so exiting, so wonderful, so indescribable----.



so basically

im liking this book

it really makes you stop.and.think.


and we were (8) dreaming

WHAT NOW DEREK?@4886789^&%(^&%(* [
January 27, 2006]
derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie derek is a cutie
and we were (6) dreaming

do0o0o0od [
January 27, 2006]
[ mood | ditzy ]

so basically i just got finished with taking my final exam and derek is playing mini putt putt on his computer and he made a really ugly face. page found applesauce in her bag (monique it wasn't organic :[ ) but yeah

im really mad that i cant go to the empress tonight. i dont even like toupee chic but i would like to see matt :D that kid is pretty much godly. and IF mo and kelly see him ill be a lil bit jealous

gyufdgre9o derekkkk agggh

but yeah. i dont know i probably would go to the maxx.........okay

i lied.

i would go to the empress. because i would want to go and see mattt. and hang with monique and kelly.

derek is a cutie. hes playing mario and he has to get the princess. hah


im done


i think


i kinda still really miss chris. its not like i forgot about him...it's just that i dont know. i just have a feeling that he would never want to go out with me again evem though he said that he would. it wasnt really promising. and i dont want to get my hopes  up and have nothing happen basically. i was thinking about him last night and how i miss him hugging me and stuff. and how his kissed because it wasnt like FULL MAKING OUT it was cute little pecks. and i dont know if i should just give up because everyone is like just leave emilie...just dump him. its really bad because its not that easy. i wish i could just give up. but i cant. (its kinda how you feel mo.) i never really knew what it was like to loose someone until i did. i was never dumped. it was always me who dumped the person. and...

now i know how they feel. it sucks. a lot. once you start to really really like the person. then out of no where "i think we should break up" but with chris it was bound to happen because i hadn't seen him for two weeks, and he claims that hes not like me...he cant go not seeing the person he's with for two weeks...he says that its too much responsibility.


i dont know. im in school. i dont have a lot of time to think about all this SHIZZZNIT.


and we were (1) dreaming

this is what my page says [
January 26, 2006]

This profile is undergoing routine maintenance. We apologize for the inconvenience!


myspace can go die!

and we were (3) dreaming

January 25, 2006]
[ mood | giggly ]

so basically


moniques here

my dog laied a poof

shes sleeping over

my dog laid a poof


and we were (3) dreaming

this is alex ;D [
January 25, 2006]
[ mood | predatory ]


wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppppppppppppppppp



everyone is reading what i am typing right now.
there are old people everywhere.

there is one setting up a camera right over there --->


"emily, get over here"


my name is alex


i do a lot of guest appearences




i got a new one.

Beck - "Broken Drum" <--- download it


tegan just insulted me. she is RUDE


it is fake

and we were (0) dreaming

January 24, 2006]
[ mood | content ]

so i went to the mall and got my glasses. and my new watch.

and yeah




im not that nervous for my global exam tomorrow..i basically know the stuff and its pretty simple




 im reall e'cited for moniquuue comin over.

and we were (3) dreaming

January 23, 2006]
[ mood | creative ]

he inspired meCollapse ) im not done yet


and we were (12) dreaming

and it was said____ [
January 23, 2006]
[ mood | crappy ]

"to be perfectly honest with you....im just scared okay/? im just....really scared."

and we were (0) dreaming

January 22, 2006]
[ mood | crushed ]

im going to be in thee worst mood tomorrow

and i prommise you all that.


dont mind me, okay?



counting down all the hoursCollapse )
and we were (2) dreaming

January 22, 2006]
[ mood | crappy ]

so i went to new milford with sara

and i made her drive around bank street and shit like 50578437 times just so i can see if chris was walking around

is that pathetic or what...



so now im studying


and we were (0) dreaming

January 21, 2006]
[ mood | curious ]

so i called chris's house...and talked to his brother travis and tried to find out where he was and he said he hasn't seen him since yesterday.


i miss my christopher

i wonder if he thinks about me

i wonder if he still likes me.


and we were (1) dreaming

January 21, 2006]

today was okay. i went to the mall and got new glasses.

i want to go to my dads but my sister wont drive me


i miss all my friends. and hanging out. and i miss chris.

and we were (1) dreaming

hrse [
January 20, 2006]
[ mood | okay ]

so i went to the therapist today. and that was...interesting. i cried. a lot. and yeah. he basically was like so why do you think youre "not attractive"? and i was like..i dont no. i basically answered the whole weight/appearence thing with i dont no because i really didnt waant to talk about it. then we talked about chris...and eddie. then the drugs and all that shit.

then i went to olive garddenn

then i went to the mall..got new unnnndies and  A NEW BRA which is FUCKING AMMMAZING yeahhh JCpennys bitches. then went to the disney store...got a cinderella shirt!! :D  i saw cassie and bobby....and basil. but i didnt say hi..they were on the lower level.

then yeahhh

and we were (2) dreaming

g78drfgy78 art class [
January 20, 2006]
[ mood | aggravated ]

and im trying not to let this get to me but i cant really help it.
ive been in thee worst mood these paste weeks.
ive been so close to myslf and not really talking as much as i do.

its sad

how one kid can change so many things

and we were (1) dreaming

January 19, 2006]
i love doing moniques homework :D :D
and we were (4) dreaming

"lifes no story book." [
January 18, 2006]
[ mood | crappy ]

i miss chris.
so fucking much.
probably more than anyone in thee world.
he means so much to me and to have him say
stuff to Mo and nothing to me really upsets me.

its sucks
i want him to be able to talk to me
and not be afraid

i wishhh that sara didnt tell my mom what happened
i could not be hurting so much
and his conversations with monique could be non-existant
to have her be like "yeah i talk to chris everynight"

he says that i need to change.
and not get into trouble

this is the first time ive gotten into trouble in thee
longest time/since ive been with him

Read more...Collapse )-beauty in the breakdown by the scene aesthetic

"if emilie didn't have such strict parents...she wouldn't rebel against everything they say."

and we were (0) dreaming

now you tell me [
January 15, 2006]
[ mood | creative ]

how ammazingly cute/pretty is this girl?


this is a story of a girlCollapse )

and we were (5) dreaming

my mom is one crazy canadian [
January 15, 2006]
[ mood | content ]

"you should email 50 cent and ask him for a loan"

"he's one rich negro."

"i must admit....he's quite attractive"


where its atttCollapse )
and we were (0) dreaming

lets go to skippy lous!!! and 1234 club....im down.-derek and zackkk [
January 13, 2006]
[ mood | crappy ]

the light, it stains and consecrates


i wish my sister didnt tell my mom...like seriously it pissesss mee off. i want to go out this weekennd. hang with mo...hang with kelly...possibly eddie.

poop-paige nuuuuuke.

anyyways  i dont look foward going home.

what so ever.

it truely truely sucks.I COULD BE GOING TO PAIGES HOUSE...AND WATCHING HER SUFFER AS SHE WADDLES AROUND. fucker headds. i dont wannnnt too goo homme. at all. i loved how half of this day went by really really slowly and then right when we get to D period it went by really quickly. blahhh i dont want to be in my house...at all. thissss isss going to bite the big one.







so i probably wont talk to anny of you until school starts.

and we were (0) dreaming

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